It
was official. I was old. But I'd have to dwell on that later. Somewhere in Hvar
was a boat waiting to be captained. By me.
We set out to find our boat and I was so excited I could barely contain it. I was equally as nervous, so it was a tad conflicting.
The sea was looking a bit on the rough side...extra chop. But I was getting ahead of myself. Would they even let me drive a boat? It was my birthday after all...
We located a stand and inquired about renting a boat, using a buttery sweet voice; whilst trying to pull off the confident captain look (whatever that means).
The stand guy looked at us, then at the choppy ass sea, then at us again.
"Let
me talk to my boss."
It wasn't looking good.
He returned to us a few minutes later.
"Ok, it's okay. You drive the boat, but I give you lesson first."
Thought #1:
WHEW!
They were actually going to let me do it!
Thought #2:
SHIT!
They're actually going to let me do it!
"My mom said to say three Hail Mary's before we leave the dock" KJ shared.
So we did.
And we were off. Sort of. First came the quick lesson, literally. He showed me what was what, and had me drive us in a circle around an anchored boat that I was sure I'd damage. Somehow I didn't. I blinked and the guy was hopping off the boat...and we were on our own. Well crap.
We rocked aggressively back and forth. The wind blew and the whitecaps were persistent.
"Let's do this thing then." I said as I grabbed the motor.
I turned
the gas delicately so as to not vault us across the sea. Turns out I needn't
worry about taking off at a breakneck velocity, seeing as the fastest our
vessel would go was a crawling speed at best. I prayed we needn’t hit the gas
to get out of the way of any large boats later on.
About 892643982734 minutes later, we puttered into a calmer cove.
"This looks good." We agreed.
We just needed to anchor up and then we could relax! We could swim in the sea! Bask in the sun! Eat snacks whilst perched upon the bow!
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| The "I can't believe they let us drive a boat" selfie. |
So, with lovely promises of the glories of boating ahead, we dropped the
anchor. But it wouldn't catch. I maneuvered the boat around a bit, pretending I
knew what I was doing.
It finally caught. We were anchored. Boy, were we.
But we didn't know that yet. So we relaxed, we swam in the sea, we snacked on the bow.
I jumped off the boat into the glorious looking water, only after
realizing the boat sides were a bit higher up than I had anticipated.
Getting
back in was, I’m sure, an extremely entertaining sight to watch. And as there
were loads of boats bobbing in the bay, I had a multitude of viewers. I hauled
myself half-way up; slithering and flopping into the boat much like a wet seal.
Sometime
later we reckoned it might be time to check out another spot, seeing as we had the
whole day to play captain.
So we pulled the anchor up. Sorry, attempted to pull the anchor up. But that shit was stuck. Gorilla glue stuck. KJ and I pulled with all our might. Shockingly, despite our large muscles, it didn’t budge. Nor did it move 287346823 attempts later.
Just
then our boat’s twin trolled slowly by with two guys aboard who looked like
they might speak English.
I
took my chances, “HEY. Do you guys know what you’re doing?” I yell inquired
through the wind, which was probably highly unnecessary seeing as they were
mere feet from us.
“No!”
erupted from the twin boat in a Scottish accent.
“Oh,
we’re stuck!”
“Pull
the anchor up.” Scot #1 so cleverly suggested.
Scot
#2 shrugged his shoulders in response.
“We
tried. It’s stuck on something.” We said. (obviously).
They
pulled up rather close and dropped their anchor. Well at least now we had
company.
We
chatted with the Scots for a few when I realized they were drifting just a tad
and by a tad I mean around our boat, seemingly several times given that our
anchor ropes were now twisted around each other like a pretzel.
“Well
now we’ve done it.”
It
was amusing watching them try to untangle our lines, all while slightly
alarming seeing as none of us had a clue as to what to do to free ourselves.
Then,
quite possibly just to avoid being boating friends with us any longer, Scot #1
de-shirted and dove into the sparkling turquoise blue water.
“Do
you think he’ll free ours while he’s down there?” I inquired to Scot #2.
He
shrugged per usual. Classic Scot #2.
Scot
#1 resurfaced, claiming he freed an anchor. But which one? No one knew, so we
pulled on our rope.
It was OURS AND WE WERE FREEEEEE.
It was OURS AND WE WERE FREEEEEE.
“You
freed us! Thank you!” And with our newly found freedom we sputtered away waving
to our Scottish heros.
The
rest of my captaining career was riddled with anchoring fails, beautiful
scenery, and wind, lots of wind. Captaining was as thrilling as it was
exhausting.
KJ
and I agreed to call it a day and I put in for an early retirement. At least
from the Adriatic Sea. Plus, we had a celebration to get ready for.
Birthday
plan:
Part
1- join an organized bar crawl
Part
2- ditch the bar crawl if everyone looked 18 years old at the meetup spot.
Part
3- if said ditching occurs, go to a bar where we spotted gigantic drinks with
huge sparklers coming out of them the previous night.
With
a solid plan in place we primped.
It
was the moment of truth. We arrived at the bar crawl meetup spot, looking
around creepily so as to not make ourselves known. Just. Act. Casual.
When
the large group of rambunctious 18-20 year olds arrived we took our cue to walk
away, casually of course. We were never going to be part of the bar crawl, nooo,
we were just loitering for fun.
“Now
I feel really old.” I sulked.
“Let’s
go get one of those giant sparkly drinks.” KJ answered.
“You
always know just what to say.” I perked up.
With
that we made our way over to the big sparkly drink bar and found a packed
outdoor patio with no free tables.
“There’s
two seats at the end of that table over there,” the waiter overheard us say. He promptly took it upon himself to get us those seats.
“I
will ask them for you” he explained.
“No,
no really, it’s ok, we can--“ KJ and I chorused.
But
he was already over there, asking away. He returned a millisecond later with
great news. The table with the two guys would have us as tablemates, no
problem.
First
things first, I had to pee like a racehorse.
“I’ll
order drinks.” KJ said.
I
met her at the now communal table, where our tablemates, P & L, awaited us.
“Thank
you for letting us share your table!”
“No
problem.” They said.
But
what they didn’t know is what they had gotten themselves into. Because just
seconds later a ginormous carafe of drink with fireworks spurting out of it and
our chivalrous waiter belting the lyrics to 'Happy Birthday' arrived at our
shared table.
I
looked at KJ in surprise.
P & L looked at me in surprise.
KJ
looked at all of us, laughing.
When
the singing was done, the sparkler raged on and the waiter came in for the
perfunctory double cheek kiss, and it was at that exact moment that KJ snapped the
only picture of the production.
Although it does in fact appear that the waiter and I shared a magical kiss, resulting in fireworks, it is in fact not true. Sorry to disappoint.
Although it does in fact appear that the waiter and I shared a magical kiss, resulting in fireworks, it is in fact not true. Sorry to disappoint.
As
the sparkles fizzled and the rest of the bar patrons went about their regularly
scheduled programming, I turned my attention back to KJ who couldn’t contain
her laughter.
“I
ordered it when you were in the bathroom!” KJ revealed.
“It’s
your birthday?” P & L asked simultaneously with smirks decorating their
faces.
“Glad
you could make it to my birthday party.”
The
drink was delicious. The company was fun, chatty, and best of all, didn’t
smoke; a rarity around these parts.
“Bet
you didn’t know you’d be attending a surprise birthday party tonight.” I stated
as the waiter brought out complimentary bday shots.
“It
was definitely a surprise” P agreed.
I
was sure they were sick of our birthday shenanigans and would peace out after a
drink or two, but two drinks turned into more and then a group of bar crawl
peeps strolled in. They looked familiar. It was the crawling youngins we
abandoned just a few hours earlier! Which had clearly turned out to be the right choice.
“That
could’ve been us!” we discussed.
We
learned about P & L, and their three week holiday via camper van. They’d be
heading back to Switzerland later that week.
We
had in depth conversations:
“What
do you guys eat in the camper van?”
“For
breakfast I like to eat Smacks.”
“The
cereal with the frog on it?”
“Yeah
it’s very good.”
Every
once in a while they’d switch to German. KJ felt left out so she inserted
“Neine” every so often. That made them laugh.
As
we wrapped up the night and said farewells to the birthday party guests, I felt
relieved that my birthday was over.
“That
was a fun surprise party.” I concluded.
“Yeah
you should’ve checked off 'go skinny dipping somewhere foreign,' It would’ve
been the perfect opportunity!”
“Well
shit KJ, I should have. When you’re right, you’re right.”
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| Birthday beer ponderings |